Apr 282013
 

Jimmy ‘the Zinger’ Zasore retires

Last Professional Zing Made

“Zing!”

The King of the Zings, Jimmy ‘the Zinger’ Zasore has announced his retirement from all things zing. The master of the one-liner has decided to call it a day after over 50 years of zinging. Jimmy became a household name after winning the 1975 World Championship zing-off famously dubbed the ‘the Big Zing Thing in Beijing’ after he defeated long-term rival against Moe Smaisier.

Firenado asked Jimmy why he decided to retire from professionally zinging. “Well, it’s not easy after all these years but I’ve zinged with the best of them all over the world and it just feels the right time to fling my last zing.”

The art of Zingery involves loudly exclaiming “Zing!” after a put-down or ‘killer line’ has been delivered or some physical act occurs such as someone’s face hitting or being hit by another object. Ideal the “Zing!” is said with such timing to induce or heighten the hilarity of the moment and to compound the killer line.

The first reference to Zinging in recorded history was Brutus’s reply to Julius Caesar’s, “Et Tu Brutus?”. Brutus looked Caesar in the eye and said “Zingus Maximus!” Amongst the blood-stained assassins, Caesar’s perforated corpse and laugher, history was made.

Does Jimmy remember his first Zing? “Oh yes. My mum was pushing me on the swings but she got distracted by a horrific car accident that happened just a few metres away. Just before my swing hit her full in the face, as she fell to the floor, I shouted “Zing!”. It was my first word.

How has it affected his personal life? “It’s not been a problem. Just ask my wife. She long ago got use to me loudly shouting ‘Zing!’ as I orgasm inside her.”

But what makes a great zing? “If only there was a formula for making a killer zing but you know it when you see it. The key is after make the pre-zing comment, to loudly exclaim ‘Zing!’. I prefer to elongate the ‘ing’ sound and stick my finger in the air but that’s a personal preference. You have to choose a style that you’re comfortable with.”

Jimmy spoke of perhaps the lowest moment of his career. After zinging Muhammad Ali in New York in 1979, Ali proceeded to beat Jimmy to unconsciousness. “I learned a lesson that day.” said Jimmy.

But where does Jimmy stand on ‘Boom!’, ‘Slam!’ and ‘Burn!/Sick Burn!’ as alternatives to ‘Zing!’? “Some are against it but personally, I think the variety can only be a good thing.”

Does Jimmy have any last words for the writers and readers of Firenado? “Sure. Hello, you’re the same person! Zing!”

 Sunday April 28, 2013  Posted by at 8:00 pm Madness Tagged with:  No Responses »