Ed Miliband, the Leader of the Labour Party, has told voters that, “I will do anything for your vote but I won’t do that.”
Labour insiders said ‘anything’ is being thoroughly opportunistic or slightly less evil than David Cameron and ‘that’ is anything resembling a real alternative to the principles and policies of the current government.
In a move designed to capture the political momentum and capitalise on just how much everyone hates the current government, Ed Miliband will go on a nationwide tour explaining to voters that he will do anything for your vote but he won’t do that.
“I will say absolutely anything and seize on any opportunity that presents itself, to get your vote, but rest assured, I will in no way present any kind of fundamentally different alternative to the current coalition government’s way of running the country.” said the man who would be PM in a speech to a handpicked audience of sycophants.
“I will still privatise things, cut public spending and do anything that the United States tells me to – but in a slightly less hard and fast way than the current lot.” said Ed Miliband. “And of course I will in no way take on the rich and the powerful and their considerable interests. I will however become Prime Minister. How cool will that be?”
Ed Miliband reassured the audience that “Unlike the current government, I don’t actually hate poor people. I just couldn’t care less about them.”
Concluding his remarks, Ed Miliband, said, “What do you think of that DAVID? CAN YOU HEAR ME DAVID MILIBAND, MY OLDER BROTHER! CAN YOU HEAR THAT?!”, the leader of the opposition was then led away by his carer.
A spokesperson for the Labour Party said, “Whatever you think of Ed Miliband, just remember, he’s not David Cameron.”
Cheers to http://www.flickr.com/photos/50386890@N02/4931639263/ for the image – many thanks.