Feb 102012
You Suck!

Sarah Bellic has turned out to be a far better computer games player than her boyfriend, Michael Payne – to everyone’s surprise.

Sarah said ”Michael has always spent a lot of time playing computer games and I always thought that they were a bit stupid and a giant waste of time and that Michael should spend more time with me and actually living his life instead of sitting in his underpants in his living room playing at shooting people.”

But when Sarah was ill a few weeks ago with chronic diarrhoea she decided to see what all the fuss was about and there were some surprising results.

“As soon as I started playing, I had this sense that I had been doing this all my life. It sounds a bit weird but I felt that I was at one with the console, that my handling of the controller was an extension of my will. In a way, it was like I was born to do this. Who would have thought it? You’re not going to mention that I had chronic diarrhoea are you?”

Sarah completed all of Michael’s games in one afternoon and smashed all of his highest scores to shit.

But what about Michael’s reaction to this unexpected turn of events? On Michael’s return home that day, he didn’t believe Sarah’s claims but after several hours of playing head-to-head, Michael couldn’t hide from the fact that Sarah was much better at playing computer games than he was.

“At first it was tough to accept that Sarah is better than me at playing computer games but I’m not really that bothered. It doesn’t really matter does it?” Michael said as he looked into the distance.

But Sarah didn’t just play Michael. She launched herself into the world of online gaming and gained quite the name for herself.

“I have a lot of time for Sarah_LOL (Sarah’s tagname). Me and some other of the regulars were impressed that Sarah is really a woman and that she wasn’t a dude pretending to be a girl. Again.” said Brian Swadock aka Ninga_Gangster (Brian’s tagname). “She’s got some serious skills.”

So will playing computer games be a big part of Sarah’s future? “I don’t think so. It was fun but I think I don’t want to waste any more of my time on it. I’ve got friends, a career and more healthy, wholesome pastimes.”

However sources have informed Firenado, that Michael is secretly gutted that Sarah is so much better at playing computing games than he is. “It’s the only thing, that I’ve been good at and she’s taken it away from me” he told one friend.

The fact that she in no way sees her considerable aptitude as a valuable or desirable skill infuriates Michael even more.

Firenado has learned that Michael is secretly waiting for a pretext to end the relationship.

Michael’s mum weighed in the controversy by saying, “If Michael breaks up with Sarah then he’s an idiot. Sarah could do a lot better than Michael, he should count himself lucky.”

Sarah’s friend Becky agrees, “I don’t know what she see seems in him.”

We asked Sarah what she thought about Michael’s secret plan to end the relationship. “What? Michael wants to break up with me? But why? What have I done?”

Make sure you check in with Firenado, for further updates.

 Friday February 10, 2012  Posted by at 12:10 am Technology Tagged with: ,  Add comments

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