“I was working on an excel spreadsheet, as I do, all day, every day, and then a thought hit me – striking every part of my consciousness simultaneously, like a freezing cold flash of lightning: ‘Life is Meaningless’.
I didn’t really know what to do after that. So I wrote it down. Then what time it was. Then the date.” So said Martin Feust. “ ‘Life is Meaningless’ 11.12am, 16th May 2013.’ ” he added.
Co-worker Sammy Evans said, “Martin stopped typing and then he had this funny look on his face. At first I thought he’d shat himself. It does happen you know. Not to me though. I don’t care what people have said!”
Martin continued, “Whenever I was upset as a child, my granddad said to me, ‘Martin, whenever you’re upset about something, just remember, in a hundred years no one will remember, much less care!”
“Then I realised the awesome truth – a hundred years?! No one gives a shit now! About anything I do or don’t do! Then it all snowballed into a big snowball of ‘meh’. ”
“Most of my life is stuff that doesn’t matter – work, TV, consuming. Even the things that do matter, such as love – it will all be snatched away and painfully clubbed to death. ”
Another co-worker, Max Smith labelled Martin, “A downer”. “Martin just needs to get laid. Case closed.”
Martin has revealed that he will not be quitting his job. “Well I suppose could just lie down and die or I could continue to work away at the salt mines. At least if I’m working I can continue to consume copious amounts of peanut butter and red wine and dull the pain somewhat.”
So what’s next for Martin? “Nothing really. I’ll die one day. Then nothingness for eternity.”