It has emerged that Gary Spannerman of Darlington is unable to understand why his wife Cathy is so insistent that they spend £6,000 on a new kitchen.
When first informed by Cathy that she had decided that they needed a new kitchen, Gary at first didn’t understand what Cathy was saying. Gary said “All the individual words made sense but the idea of spending £6,000 on a new kitchen – I thought I was missing something. I kept asking how is the current kitchen broke. How can a kitchen break? But in the end I got it – there was nothing wrong with the old kitchen. Cathy just wanted a new one.”
The ‘great kitchen controversy’ as Cathy and Gary’s friends and relatives have labelled it, has resulted in Gary questioning other aspects of his life. Gary said, “After talking to Cathy, I sat down and thought about my life. How did I end up here? I’m 38 and I’m not sure I’m really living the life that I want to. I just seemed to have slid in to it. My office job isn’t terrible but when I was younger I wanted to be an actor. When did I decide to give up on my dreams? £6,000 on a kitchen? Why don’t we save a little more, quit our jobs and go around the world for a year?”
Gary spoke to Firenado and said, “I just don’t understand. Why would we spend £6,000 on a new kitchen? It’s a huge amount of money. Our current kitchen is just fine.”
Cathy said, “We need a new kitchen. The old one is tatty. Plus it’s a good investment. It will increase the price of the house. We’ve lived in this house for 10 years, and the kitchen is at least 15 years old. It’s time we had a new kitchen.”
Cathy had done a considerable amount of research on the various possibilities and decided on one of Britain’s leading kitchen outfitters. “It’s a very modern design that will really fit in with the rest of the house. I know £6,000 is a lot of money – but that’s what a new fitted kitchen costs.”
There have been rumours that Cathy will terminate all sexual relations until an agreement on a new kitchen is reached. Sexual relations were briefly suspended after Gary questioned the need for a new kitchen on the basis that Cathy rarely uses the kitchen as it is. Cathy responded that has Gary has not provided her with children, the very least he can do is agree to the new kitchen.
Gary said “I don’t think any amount of sex is worth £6,000.” Although experts have expressed doubts as to whether Gary will to be able to go without sex for any considerable period of time without a dramatic decline in his ability to function.
Gary refutes this, “If we were to spend £6,000 on a new kitchen I wouldn’t want to have sex. I wouldn’t want to do anything. I may well curl up into a ball and just fucking die.”
Gary added, “£6,000! On a new kitchen! I just can’t understand why anybody would spend that amount of money on a kitchen.”
Analysts disagree on how the situation will resolve itself. One said, “I think the jury is still out. The most likely result is that Gary will give in, but there is a chance that a negotiated settlement will mean a kitchen that will cost in the range of £3,000 to £5,000. The prospect of Gary getting his way appear slim although we have rarely seen such determination before as we have in his opposition to spending £6,000 on a new kitchen.”