Mar 072014
A picture of inside of a bar with lots of drinks on the wall.

Press reports in the last few weeks have revealed the shocking truth that drinking vast amounts of alcohol in a very short period of time can be dangerous – when mixed with mobile phone usage.

“All I did was drink 27 pints of beer in 6 minutes and my face fell off.” said Paul Stokes, 19 from Manchester. Paul’s mother, Brenda, 57, blamed the mobile phone app ImbecileDrinker. “My son’s an angel!” said Brenda, “A faceless angel because of this dangerous craze caused by the ImbecileDrinker app.”

The ImbecileDrinker mobile phone app has been criticised for encouraging idiots and the feeble-minded to challenge each other to inherently dangerous and stupid challenges involving alcohol.

In another tragic case, 21-year-old Maureen Dabbler of Kent, drank 117 vodka and redbulls in 7 nanoseconds and her head exploded as a result – all because she was challenged to do so by a stranger via the ImbecileDrinker app. Her father told Firenado, “She would never have drink all that alcohol unless she been told to, by a stranger, via a mobile phone app. Something must be done!”

One expert told Firenado, “Back before the mobile phone, people could drink as much as they liked. FACT. Not anymore.”

Young person Teresa Melon said, “Flappy birds and drinking apps – throughout the ages, that’s what my generation will be known for. It makes me weep.”

Idiots have called for the ImbecileDrinker app to be banned to prevent idiots from hurting themselves while the idiots who created the ImbecileDrinker app have said it’s not their fault.

Medical authorities are warning people not to be complete morons.

Coming Up:

Homeless old man dies after drinking alcohol – no-one cares.

No-one dies of smoking weed AND IT’S STILL ILLEGAL! IT’S UNBELIEVABLE… (That’s enough! – Ed)

 Friday March 7, 2014  Posted by at 12:32 pm Health  Add comments

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