Increasing numbers of Syrian civilians are smuggling oil into the country, in the hope that if they collect enough, the United States and its allies will launch a military intervention to stop the Syrian government’s murderous reign of terror.
“Iraq, Libya and possibly Iran! It seems the only way the international community (America) will invade a country is if the government won’t do what it is told and has lots and lots of oil. Well, we are a little short of oil but we’re working on it!” Said Baltasar (we won’t mention his surname to prevent the Syrian government from brutally murdering him.)
A defence expert cast some scepticism on the plan. “You would have to be utterly desperate to think that this could work.”
“We are utterly desperate.” Baltasar told Firenado.
A US defence spokesperson said, “Despite all evidence to the contrary and the most basic elementary logic, we don’t just invade countries because they have oil.”
But isn’t Baltasar worried about the inevitable deaths that would result from any military intervention? “We hope that a foreign reign of death and terror would end as opposed to a never ending domestic reign of death and terror. We are utterly desperate. Please help us.”
“This is our last hope.” said one Syrian. “I guess we’re shit out of luck.”
1. Government stops murdering innocent men, women and children.
2. Er, that’s it.