The friends of Max Stuffely, 27 from Stevenage, stated that his recent transformation into that of a character from the 1999 film The Matrix had started to become a problem – a problem that required an ‘intervention’.
An intervention is a term used to describe an orchestrated attempt by family and friends to get someone to seek professional help for a serious and debilitating problem, often relating to addiction or mental or emotional issues.
“You could say Max was addicted… to being a dick! It just couldn’t go on.” Said Max’s best friend Al Wess. “It all started with Max wearing sunglasses – all the time,” Al told Firenado “no one thought too much of it but it was a little… odd.”
Another friend of Max, Jim Missive, told Firenado about how it really started to become an issue when, “Max bought a full length leather jacket all the way to the ground, it was like a bloody cape! I mean there’s nothing wrong with buying some new clothes, even ones that make you look like a wierdo, but I knew there was something else going on, I could sense it.”
Sarah Tardey, long-time friend of Max, thought nothing of Max’s sudden change in fashion. However it was Max’s increasingly bizarre statements about the nature of reality, “He kept saying, that ‘nothing was real’ and that it was all ‘a system of control’ and whenever the phone rang, Max insisted on answering it. He always seemed disappointed when nothing happened.”
However the final straw was Max going around asking random people to choose between whether they wanted a red or blue pill. “We felt that Max was going to get himself in trouble. So as his friends, we felt we had to step in.” Sarah said.
“I’d never done an intervention before – how hard could it be?” Al told Firenado. “Though I perhaps I went a bit over the top. I had read how the SAS strike at 3am in the morning, when the human body is at its least responsive, so that’s when we grabbed Max, got him in the back of my van and took him to the woods for a good talking to/slap.”
“It didn’t go well” Sarah told Firenado. “Thinking about it now, we should have looked up how you actually carry out an intervention. I turned up at 2.55am and we spent 10 minutes trying to get into the house. Al had assured me that he could the pick the lock but I had my doubts when he arrived drunk. Then the police turned up and as we were trying to explain what we were doing, Max opened the door, took one look at as us all and shouted ‘I knew I was in the Matrix’ and ran off. We haven’t seen him since.”
Max Stuffely remains missing. If you know of his whereabouts then get in touch with us at Firenado.