Firenado can exclusively reveal that the Queen is officially ‘not bothered’ about this year’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations.
The Queen phoned us at 3am on Friday morning and Firenado reporter Lucy Sledgehammer asked the Monarch what were her thoughts on reaching sixty years on the throne and what was she most looking forward to about the celebrations that will mark the event.
“The Diamond Jubilee? I’m not bothered about it. It’s a lot of fuss about nothing really. The thing is, it’s just not very relevant to me personally. What does the royal family really mean in this day and age?” said the Queen. “I think that royalty meant a lot more before TV when no one had anything better to do then sit around all evening and daydream about members of the royal family.”
“But isn’t it quite an achievement to reign for 60 years?” Firenado asked. “I suppose not dying on the job is a good thing, but I’m not sure it’s worth a party.” answered the glum-sounding sovereign.
But it seems that the Queen may be in tune with public opinion with polls indicating that around 90% of the British population couldn’t give a shit about the Diamond Jubilee with only the BBC, members of the government and sycophantic weirdos being exceptions.
So what does the Queen think about all the events that will be held to celebrate her 60 years on the throne? “Waste of money isn’t it? Although an extra bank holiday will be nice, won’t it? But it’s not as though I’ll get to enjoy it. I’m working that day.”
The Diamond Jubilee marks the 60th anniversary of the Queen being the Queen and is being marked by a series of events and celebrations centred around the weekend of 4th and 5th June including;
- 200,00 children will compete in a race over a 15-mile course through the streets of London. The winner will get to have a jacket potato meal with the Prince of Edinburgh, Johnny Ball and Gary Barlow.
- The Prime Minister and the High Commissioners from 50 Commonwealth countries singing ‘God Save the Queen’ while bouncing up and down on the world’s largest trampoline.
- A Thames Royal Pageant which will consist of a flotilla of 1,000 speedboats going up and down a two-mile stretch of the Thames for a 48-hour period.
- 10 million chocolate Celebrations with tiny parachutes will be airdropped by planes all over the UK on June 5th.
As we had the chance, we asked the Queen who was her favourite Prime Minister? “Easy. Winston Churchill. He always had time for you.” And the worst? “That would be Thatcher. Whenever she came over for dinner we could only have the plastic cutlery out in case she went off on one.”
The Queen would get in to the Guinness Book of Records if she is still reigning on 10th September 2015 as she would surpass Queen Victoria as the longest reigning British Monarch.
Follow Firenado for our in-depth coverage of the Diamond Jubilee celebrations.