Tom Bottle described the first day of his new job at the jam factory with one simple word: “Brilliant!”.
“I couldn’t believe my luck! Me getting a job at the local jam factory!” Tom told Firenado reporter Johnny Spoons. “Me and the two other new employees were given a tour of the jam factory and it was very exciting! They gave us our brand new overalls and then showed us how the jam is made! From the raw ingredients coming off the trucks to the big mixing machine or the ‘Big Jam Machine’ as I like to think of it! Then there was the bottling plant. I told everyone my surname was ‘Bottle’ so maybe I should work on it! How we all laughed! It was like one of those tours of a chocolate factory you go on at back when you’re at school.”
“My dad kept saying how I was a “jammy dodger” for getting the job. He said it quite a lot and in the end I had to ask him to stop.”
So how was Tom received by his new colleagues? “I said hello to everyone, absolutely everyone. They all ignored me but I thought it was because they were all very busy and dedicated to their jobs.” However Fred Table, who has worked at the jam factory for 44 years told Firenado, “I’ve seen it all before. Everyone loves their first day at the jam factory and why wouldn’t you? You get to see the jam being made. It’s fun, even interesting. It’s on the second day that reality hits you, like a big bottle of jam smashing in to your face.”
We spoke to Tom at the end of his second day. “My second day was not so good. It just hit me as I was putting on my overalls. I have to do this for the rest of my life. I got put on the sugar machine. I put in a big sack of sugar every 3 and a half minutes. All day. Every day. It’s fucking shit!”
Ian Tuspin, manager at the jam factory told Firenado “One in every twenty-three bottles of jam that is consumed in the UK comes from this jam factory. Fact.” We asked Mr. Tuspin what conditions are like for workers at his jam factory. “Well, if you’re into making jam, this is the place for you. Plus you can buy jam at a 75% discount.”
“I don’t even like jam.” Tom Bottle told Firenado.
Another worker at the jam factory spoke to Firenado off the record and told us how there was only one way of coping with working at the jam factory, “You only work two days at the jam factory. Your first day at the jam factory and your last day at the jam factory.” What does that mean? “I don’t know really. But it helps. Everyone wonders how the jam is made. Well you don’t find out on your first day. You find out on the second day. It is made with our tears and abandoned dreams.”